Must Love Golf!

Must Love Golf!
A tongue-in-cheek look at finding love online - internet dating from a woman's viewpoint

Copyright linhed productions Aug.31st 2008

An ancient ritual of finding a compatible mate has evolved from the archaic Flintstones to that of cyberspace. Visions of the caveman pulling "his woman" into the cave by her hair, club in hand, fill my head. Haven't we all seen those cartoons at some point? Or maybe not. After all, this is the 21st century,and they wouldn't be politically correct, but that's another subject.

Bill Gates and his comrades are geniuses, but who is the genius that came up with the idea of Internet Dating? Who out there one day just had the brilliant idea of a website to match up those looking for a friend, a date, a soul mate, or a Sugar Daddy(or Mama, as the case may be)? Who thought of the concept of internet dating? I must Google that! In any case, it took off like a rocket ship, and more and more I meet people who have met their partner through the wonders of cyberspace.

Now the whys and whereofs of modern age technology totally baffle me. My 91 year old mother seems to understand it much more than I, and has tried to explain it to me, without success I might add! She would do well at this computer stuff, all the while protesting that she is mechanically challenged. So here I sit, along with my fellow sisters and brothers, navigating blindly through the mysterious and unknown, finding myself staring into a small screen filled with pictures of potential partners that seem to appear through mystical means. Sometimes I do think a crystal ball would be just as effective.

The rules of internet dating are certainly nothing like my first go around at dating. Dating in those days was fun-un! But that was eons ago. My friends and I would all crowd around the same mirror at 9:00 at night, laughing like crazy, puttin' on lipstick, the hairspray going in every direction, getting ready to hit the clubs downtown. Here it is, a lifetime later, and now at 9:00 I'm in my pajamas, slathering on the anti-wrinkle cream, gettin' ready to go pick out a date from cyberspace. Peering over pages of possibilities on the internet kinda reminds me of growing up, looking at the Sears and Roebuck catalog with my sister. We would take turns picking out the cute guys,and wish we could order one! Oh Lordy.

Like you, I've finally chosen a suitable "dating" site after scanning through the hundreds offering love for the seniors and the juniors,the sites for all the faiths and ye of little faith, the spiritual, vegetarians, any and all nationalities;the sites for millionaires and billionaires and wantabes, Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mamas. The list goes on...Now I go through the ritual of a hundred questions,ethnicity,eye color, body art, everything about me but but blood type. Isn't it hilarious,the people that have no clue what ethnicity means? Look it up in the dictionary for goodness sake! Who am I looking for? Where should he live? He should live right here with me, but he doesn't so that's why I'm on here. Duh. I'd love to put that as an answer! What color hair,like it matters. I want Mr. Right - hair is optional. When you finally get through all the questions, you then have to come up with something cute and clever to write about yourself. And don't forget, your "user name", for some maybe that ought to be "loser name". But user name is sooo important. It's gotta be something HOT,something catchy, make him want to look at MY profile. No one promised it would be easy. Once you have written and re-written all about yourself, and lost all you've written a dozen times, it's time to post some photos. I wonder, do as many females not put photos on as the males? Why is that,anyway? Are these people on the FBI's most wanted list? And I wonder too, if everyone is so perfect, why are we all divorced and on these sites?

I'm still trying to pick out a cute guy,only now there are a few more wrinkles,and even in this high-tech world most of the pictures posted are horrible. Must be a reason they are blurred and so dark, baseball cap on head. Surely he isn't trying to hide something! We all have gone through hundreds, no, make that thousands of profiles on site after site, viewing those same old ancient pictures that have been on there for years. You see, I'm an expert at this now, and when you're an expert you immediately spot those you've seen on other sites. Not only do they use the same old pictures, the pictures were old when they were posted. Yep,you all have done your share of looking at them, and I'll betcha there are a few of you who have tried that trick: Hmmm, think I'll put up this picture when I was a stud. Yeah,right,'bout forty years ago. That will surely grab her attention. The shocker comes when you view "next photo": A minimum of 100 pounds heavier, making Leroy the Lab beside him look like ChiChi the Chihuahua! Don't you just love the pictures when he was married? You can spot 'em:His arm is draped around somebody, and it sure ain't me. I refuse to even look at the profile.

Here we sit, another four hours of scanning page after page in the hopes of finding Mr.or Ms.Right. The profile is up and approved. Hooray. Now it's log in to see who's viewed me, and hope for an email. Of course we don't do this on the week-ends. Oh no, you DO NOT log on to a dating site on the week-ends! My gosh, they track every move you make on there: When you last logged in, who looked at your profile, whose profile you looked at...You name it, they track it. Now me, if I'm sitting home dateless on a Saturday night I ain't about to log in to Match.com! Do you think I'm nuts? I don't want half the country to know I don't have a date, and the next best thing is to go on line hoping Mr. Right is dateless also - and is going to see ME! The bubbas would have a field day. "Look ut this un,Junior. Here it is Sadurday night and she ain't got no date. Reckin I'll jist send her one uh these here emails". Lord, deliver me from this.

Seriously, the internet dating game works for some, and for some it is nothing more than entertainment. A few years ago I met someone who eventually became a friend, and, for a year, a travel partner. We RVed all over the West, spending several months working at Mount Rainier and in Montana. If you've ever seen the movie with Desi and Lucy, where she is collecting rocks and he is throwing them out of the RV, that was us! I still haven't forgviven him over the rare fossils I threw away - and found out later what they were! Through a site that will remain nameless I met a man who became a very dear friend. He stands by me always, thick and thin, and loves me for the person I am. His greatest wish is that I would find Mr.Right. Maybe I have. Recently I met someone, and yes, it was through a dating site, so all in all this internet dating thing can't be all bad.